Lovely

My mormon past haunts me. But not in a super negative way or anything. It's quite odd. A couple years ago, I would have had more legit reasons to be angry. I was forced to go to an early morning seminary, with undertones of sexism, homophobia and a tinge of elitism. Not to mention one fourth of my class were being pressured, like me, to go. Though theirs were more fucked up. One got her clothes burned (she had shorts that weren't appropriate you see, the logical step from there is burning). The other, was forced to come, and then teach his younger brothers what he learned, his parents knowing full well he thought the whole thing was bullshit (though he appears to be liking church a lot more now, and I dunno what to make of this). The other just came for shits (and only once, as when she asked questions she was accused of having the devil take her over). So, THEN, I was quite pissed (and justifiably so).

Now, I have less of an excuse. For all intents and purposes, the family drama of my 'falling away' is mostly past. There is no mention of it, but not in the bitter silent feud way, it just doesn't come up anymore. I suppose my parents are cool like that. The other family members (to my knowledge) haven't said anything either (though one did stalk me for a little while).

But recently its been bugging me. I dunno why either. In fact it somewhat disturbs me a tiny bit. Mormons have this saying that "those who leave the church can never leave it alone". Some what in a weird snarky, "clearly we're right, and they know it, but want to slander us".

So yeah, I dunno what do. I want to be pissed and just resign, but at the same time, I have no real justification that I do. Well thats not true, it is diet cult and all, and took 10% of my money (which admitidly wasn't a whole lot, but thats still a couple 1000 bucks that I'll never get back and never know what it was paid for). Not to mention they're really conservative.

But they leave me alone, and it doesn't make two shits of difference if I'm on their 'member list' or not. Besides, they'll just rebaptize me when I'm dead anyways (among other things)

Or maybe this is all satans work, and he's leading me away from gods true church. Probably not, but the programing runs deep man